Second Chance
by Shippygirl
Summary: Archer remembers the pain T'Pol left behind on the eve of their next meeting.


**Second Chance**

Codes: Archer/T'Pol, Romance, Angst, R,sexual content.  
Constructive feedback is welcome. Feedback that is mean-spirited will be ignored.

A/N: This is all Monica's fault (despite my teasing, I like her encouragement) This story is slightly edited from the original version to make it hopefully an R.

His story

The message was simple and to the point. He expected no less from her. He sat in his chair and stared at it. Should he respond to her? After all she put him though? He replied with the coordinates of his home and a short message. "We have a lot to talk about."

The message stayed in the back of his mind taunting him for the next few days. He busied himself repairing the old barn on his property. The barn, along with the house, a shed, a few chickens, and a yellow tabby cat that bossed Porthos around, was willed to him when his uncle passed away three years ago. Archer moved out here to get away from people who recognized him.

Starfleet planted him firmly behind a desk after Enterprise's seven-year mission completed. For a while, the Admiral's pips had felt nice on his collar. Then he started to hear of the new worlds explored by the NX-04. He yearned to fly among the stars again. He felt trapped, obsolete, and useless.

He remembered that night clearly. He was downing his second glass of whiskey and feeling sorry for himself when the door rang. He opened his apartment door. T'Pol was the last person he expected to see. Almost a year had past since he had been promoted to Admiral, and left Enterprise in the command of a captain young enough to be his son. T'Pol sent letters from time to time. Last he heard she was on Vulcan in retreat at a Vulcan monastery.

She looked beautiful. Her hair was slightly longer and flowed down to touch her neck gracefully. She gained a little weight, enough to enhance her curves and make her look more stunning than he could ever remember. Her eyes could still hold onto him with their grip.

He let her in and waited patiently for her to explain why she came to San Francisco and to his apartment.

Later that evening, he reminded himself she had chosen him. Out of all the men she could have, she wanted him.

So he gently pressed his lips to hers and parted her lips hesitantly tasting her. She responded to him instantly as if a fire had been lit within her. Her mouth devoured his, her tongue tasting the whiskey still lingering inside. Her hands found his shirt and pulled at the buttons until his chest was bared to her. Her hands moved down his chest, moving to unlatch his belt.

He pulled her hands back placing them around his neck. He wasn't ready for that yet. He wasn't going to let this be mating, as she had called it. He was going to make love to her like he had always imagined. This could be the only time he would be allowed to touch her as a lover. He wanted to burn every moment into his mind and into hers. He unbuttoned her shirt slowly. His lips traveled from her mouth to the tip of her pointed ear. T'Pol moaned as her nibbled lightly and sucked on her ear before dipping down to a spot on her neck right below her ear.

Every inch of her, he worshiped with his finger, lips, and tongue. Several times T'Pol pulled him back up to her lips begging him in English mixed with Vulcan. He would kiss her then move back to where he left off.

Her hands finally grew impatient and tried to unfasten his belt again. He let her undo the belt. Then, he reached down and slowly removed her underwear. He let her watch as he moved back and took of the rest of his clothing. He straddled her body once again kissing her.

He watched her face as they moved together. Tears filled his eyes but didn't drop. She was so beautiful when her eyes shut. She sensed him watching her and her eyes locked with his. 

She kissed him when she saw the water in his eyes, trying to make the pain there go away. His tongue ravaged her mouth and he drank in her scent. He wanted to loose himself in the moment and forget about what this was all about.

Her eyes glazed over and her head flew back as her muscles contracted around him. His arms held his body up from collapsing onto her. He slowly regained his breath and looked down at her. He saw the sated look covering her face. He kissed her gingerly and held her rolling them both onto their sides. He held her close to him and fell asleep with her head tucked under his chin.

He awoke the next morning to find her gone. He heard from her at least twice a year. But he never heard an explanation of why she left him that night. He stopped reading and answering her letters years ago. He found it difficult to reply.

He never thought he'd see her again until now. Why she was coming to see him was no mystery to him. He knew her time was coming near again. He still loved her in spite all the pain she had caused him. This time, he had no intention of accommodating her.

He felt weak for telling her she could come to his home. He'd made a new life for himself during his retirement, one separate from Starfleet and memories of his past with her. He had stopped being haunted by the ghost of that night years ago. Now he just wanted to live alone in peace.

He was out in the barn again hammering a support beam to one of the rafters when he noticed a shadow cast over the barn floor. He turned around to see her. Her hair was longer and swept up from her neck. She wore a pair of tan cotton pants and a long sleeved V-neck shirt in a navy blue.

"Hello T'Pol." He said simply. Wiping the sweat from his brow.

"Hello Jonathan." She replied. Her eyes looked over him for a moment, no doubt comparing him to her memories. He walked across the hay on the loft and came down the ladder. He stood in front of her. He allowed himself to take in her beauty. She looked just as she did that night except her hair was longer and gathered loosely on the back of her head. His heart ached, and he looked away from her. He walked over to his worktable and unbuckled his tool belt setting it down.

He undoubtedly reeked of sweat. He felt the perspiration on his back and arm muscles. While he didn't look the same as when they last met, the years had been kind to him. Coming out here was probably the best thing he could do for his health. Hours spent restoring the house and barn slowly over the years kept him in shape.

Turning back to her, but not looking in her face, he said, "I need to change before we talk."

He saw her look of agreement out of the corner of his eyes. Some things didn't change he mused. He directed her to sit in the living room as he went to the bathroom and quickly showered and changed.

Her story

She left that morning seven years ago because it was less complicated that way. He would be angry with her, but he wouldn't have to suffer needlessly. Active. That one word defined every aspect of her life back then. Dr. Yuris told her three months before she walked up to Jonathan's apartment. Her pa'nar syndrome was no longer dormant. She would die in a matter of years. Maybe it would have been simpler to die of the blood fever, but a part of her wanted to experience a small part of the feelings they could never share. She would have plenty of time to die. She wanted one night to live.

She didn't tell him. She only explained the pon farr and that she chose him. He stared at her absorbing what she said, and hesitated only slightly before giving in. She knew it was a mistake as soon as he kissed her. Part of her didn't want it to end, another part felt the pain that she would soon loose him every second it continued and wanted it over. The love and pain in his eyes made her regret all the years their ranks had kept them apart. If she had come to him sooner, she could have been with him longer than one night. That was no longer possible. She tried to repress her love, and not let it show in her eyes. But she could not keep it trapped inside. It welled up into her eyes as he watched her face.

Years later, she remembered every kiss, every admission of love that fell from his lips, every look on his face. They were etched into her memory no matter how hard she tried to forget.

She didn't expect to live this long. After Enterprise's seven-year mission, Dr. Phlox began collaborating with Dr. Yuris and several other Vulcan scientists now allowed back into practice after the Vulcan Reformation. Four years ago, they discovered a cure and set about testing it on a limited group of people. Once it proved effective, T'Pol insisted on being among the last group of active cases treated. She didn't want any special preference.

She had an illogical urge after she was cured to abandon her post on the Vulcan High Council to come tell Archer she would live. The same illogical voice told her he would understand and would embrace her and whisper his love into her ear.  
The reality of the pain she caused him soon sat in as her letters were left unanswered. He had moved on in his life, and tried to forget the pain she left behind.

When she saw him, he was older, but age had only peppered gray into his hair and added distinguished lines beside his eyes. She still desired him and saw the man she loved in his green eyes. All of the words she rehearsed on the journey to earth left her. She had no idea what to say to him or what to do to make up for her mistake.

Their story

Jonathan emerged from the shower with and red cotton shirt on and pair of black drawstring pants. His hair was still wet and mussed up. T'Pol found it very endearing and raised an eyebrow at the sight. His hair had grown out longer reflecting his overall relaxed attitude. It suited him, the haircut and the attitude.

Archer sat in the chair across from her. He knew what she was here to talk about but asked anyway.

"We have not talked in years. I wanted to visit you." She said plainly.

Visit… my ass. "Cut the crap T'Pol. We both know what this is about." Her eyes widened as he continued to let his anger out on her. "It will be seven years in three weeks. Why did you come so early? Are you worried I might reject you and then you'll have to find someone else?"

T'Pol looked down. She deserved this. She hurt him and gave him no explanation for seven years. He thought she used him, and now here she was looking for all intents like she was doing it again.

She looked into his eyes, swallowing despite the dryness of her constricted throat. "I came here so I could explain to you my actions. I realize you may not be able to forgive me… I am prepared to leave here and return to Vulcan. The priestess at Gol may be able to end my ponfarr before the plaktow. "

The pain was clear in Archer's eyes "What reasons do you have to explain away the past seven years. Do you know how many days I woke up and realized you weren't there? That I had just dreamed of you again? Do you know how long it took for the pain to die away? And you come back and want to put me through that all over again. I can't do that."

"I never had any intention of hurting you. I left because I wanted to spare you the pain…"

He cut her off. "Did you not think you leaving without an explanation wouldn't hurt?"

"I realized it would."

"What pain do you think would be greater than you leaving me?"

T'Pol eyes glistened with moisture, and she blinked recovering for a moment.

"Dr. Yuris diagnosed my pa'nar syndrome as active three months before I came to San Francisco. I knew I had only a few years to live."

Jonathan sat there absorbing what she said.

She continued as he stared at her silently. "I came to you because I wanted you. I would die from the plaktow or from the neural degradation in the years to come. I did not need you to save my life."

He couldn't speak. All these years he thought she selfishly used him to save herself. He thought she didn't love him when she left him. Now he knew. She left because she loved him, but logic dictated that she could not stay and hurt the man she loved.

Archer broke free from his stupor. "Are you still dying?" The question hung in the air as heartbeats passed waiting for her answer.

"No. Dr. Yuris and Dr. Phlox were able to treat me before I entered the final stages of the disease."

Archer let loose the breath he held. He was still in shock trying to think over all that she told him.

"I'm glad they did." He said with sincerity in his eyes. He looked down at his hands in his lap then back up at her. "I need to think about everything you said. You can stay in the bedroom down the hall. I'm going to go camping for a few days... alone with Porthos."

She could see he needed this and simply nodded. Later that day they said their goodbyes and he hiked off into the forest with a loaded pack and a beagle wandering by his side.

She used the time he was gone to do her own thinking. The days passed slowly and she used most of the time to meditate. Her curiosity got the better of her, and she found herself exploring the property. Jonathan's hands had restored most of the house and barn with the same tools that the 19th century Archer who built this place might have used. She could see which improvements were more recent. His skill had improved dramatically over time. Behind the barn lay a small shed that she avoided the first two days. It was closed and looked to be in disuse.

On the third day she found an excuse to peer inside. She couldn't find the yellow and white tabby that morning. While unlikely, she thought the cat might have found a way inside the building. Satisfied with her excuse, she looked inside.

The floor was covered with sawdust. A small table sat at the back of the shed. Woodworking and carving tools hung on hooks above the table most appeared to be antiques. Finished works lay on the shelves or were stored in boxes on the floor. She saw a mountain from the first M class planet they visited. Enterprise was carved in minute detail and suspended in flight from its base. The tendrils of a nebula in bloom were carved into the thinnest wisps of wood. Her eyes were drawn to the piece hidden under a cloth. She picked up the cloth gently, a billow of dust dissipated to reveal her own face. Her eyes were closed and she appeared to be deep asleep. Her hair lay askew in several different directions mussed from lovemaking and sleep. The detail was impressive. Jonathan's memory recalled the proportion of her eyes to her nose and lips. The work showed the tranquility of the sleeper, and the love of the artist for his subject.

T'Pol's fingers ran over the smooth surface of the wood hoping that he could still love her after all this time.

Archer returned that afternoon. He unpacked only saying a few words to her. Then went to the shower and changed. When he came back in the living room, he told her to sit down.

"I had a lot of time to think things over. I'm willing to try to make a relationship work between us, if that's what you want. If you only want me to help you for one night… I can do that. No matter how much it would hurt me, you would be alive."

T'Pol looked at him stunned. It was more than she had hoped for after he left three days ago. "I would like you to be my bondmate."

Archer's heart sprang up with hope. He was not yet over all of the hurt, but he knew he wanted her in his life.

Days passed quickly as they began slowly and tentatively talking to each other. Some times Archer would retreat alone to the barn or woodshed when he needed to be alone. Those times became less as he relaxed around her and as he realized each day that she was still there.

The touches started as whisper of skin touching skin. His hand would linger on her arm or hers would brush up against his hand as they walked side by side long enough for him to know it was no accident. They slowly became as in tune with each other as they had been aboard the ship.

It was close to the end of the second week when he noticed her hands begin to shake. She didn't mention it to him but he noticed. He also saw the way her eyes lingered on his body. And the sweat that formed on her brow. He knew she needed help and felt unsure about asking him.

During her evening meditation one night, he went out near the pond nearby the barn. He looked out at the mirrored surface as the daylight faded. He knew it was time to face his fears and her.

Going on a walk with Jonathan was almost a daily occurrence. He enjoyed talking to her and her with him. Lately, it had grown more taxing for T'Pol. The fire grew inside her and she needed him more with each day. She knew she could not avoid the need, and that waiting too long would risk a violent pon farr. She feared that he might reject her because of the pain that still occasionally made him seek solitude.

Jonathan carried a basket that night and seemed more nervous than he usually was on their walks. Her eyes watched the planes of his body move against fabric until his eyes caught her looking in the ebbing twilight. He smiled reassuringly and took her hand in his leading her to grassy spot by the pond.

He opened the basket and took out a blanket from inside. He spread it on the ground and sat down offering his hand to her. She sat down beside him. He started looking anywhere but at her. She looked at him curiously.

"Is there something wrong Jonathan?"

He looked into her face, which was lit by the moon, which was a sliver away from being full. Her eyes glowed in the darkness.

"No." he stared at her eyes then her lips.

He swallowed his fears and leaned over to gently kiss her. She responded with her own mouth. His arms pulled her close deepening their kiss. He lowered them to the blanket until the lay side by side. The kiss grew fierce as her lips and tongue intensified the pace. His own mouth kept pace with hers as the years of longing came pouring out from him. He gently turned her onto her back until she lay down on the pillow of grass created by the blanket.

The moon bathed her in an ethereal glow. Her eyes shone with unrestrained love for him. The ever-present fear that she would leave him dissipated then. He leaned over and took her bottom lip into his mouth gently sucking on it, and then opened her mouth for him to taste. He knew this would not be last time he would show her he loved her. But it would be the first time he would show her without restraint or fear.

His hands fumbled clumsily undressing her as her hands somehow reached around to his clothing. His lips showed their appreciation of the curves of her body. Every bump, every imperfection felt perfect. His tongue sucked on her ear lobe and paved a trail of fire down to her breasts. He heard her sharp intake of breath as his tongue and teeth laved attention on each breast before moving down to circle her navel. Her breathing increased and her hands itched to flip him over and pin him down so the teasing touches would end. She moaned whispering something under her breath. She clinched the blanket in her fists. He moved up her body urgency causing him to find her mouth again.

Their bodies moved together barely visible under the dim light of the moon and the stars above.

Some time later Jonathan lay back down beside her pulling her body close to him and the blanket around both of them. He fell asleep next to her and T'Pol watched him peacefully sleep. She leaned in closer to him and tucked her head under his chin resting it against his chest. Drinking in his scent she closed her eyes and fell asleep with him under the stars.


End file.
